


Baddies groupchat

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Gay, M/M, More characters to be added, Oikawa is pretty, Tanaka - Freeform, atsumu and oikawa are buddies, daddy - Freeform, does komori have any ships??, ew terushima, heterophobia, i don't bully atsumu, i don't know how to tag, kunishira can take over the world, mentioned smut, no one likes terushima, oiatsu friendship, these tags are random
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26593015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: what would happen if a bunch of bottoms were in one group chatwarning this story will have bad fucking language you have been warnedThese are the characters i think of as bottoms don't hate or comment something like "omg no sakusa is the bottom" and if you dont like the plot i do not give a fuck 😌 just read a different story it's not that hard
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi & Nishinoya Yuu, Daishou Suguru/Yamaka Mika, Fukunaga Shouhei/Yamamoto Taketora, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kita Shinsuke & Miya Atsumu, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 32
Kudos: 451





	1. Chapter 1

you can request  
ships here 

Oikawa tooru started a chat  
Oikawa tooru names the baddies  
Atsumu renamed to chat baddie bitches

Oikawa: Heyyy i liked that name

Atsumu: i don't give a fak

Oikawa: * s o b s *

Atsumu: boohooo 

Kenma: oh my god stfu

Akaashi: why am i here

Shirabu: 👆

Kunimi: 👆👆

Yamagucci: 👆👆👆

Hinata: Hi everyone!

Shirabu: hinata stfu 

Hinata: sorry 😔

Kunimi: smh

Oikawa: you are here because you guys are bottoms and i need to rant cause Iwa is being a bitch

Atsumu: you sure you're not the bitch 👀?!

Oikawa: Fuck off ugly ass

Atsumu: i'll have you know i have more fan girls than you.

Oikawa: you wish

Kunimi: no no oikawa he's right 

Oikawa: KUNIMI YOU SLUT

Kunimi: DOORU YOU WHORE 

Oikawa: you spelt my name wrong idiot 

Kunimi: ....

Shirabu: .....

Yamagucci: ....

Atsumu: .....

Akaashi: .....

hinata: ......

Oikawa: CHIBI-CHAN YOU TOO!?!?!

Hinata: Sorryy!!! i was just doing what everyone else was doing  
Hinata: i wanted to feel included 😿

Oikawa: that's ok chibi-chan

Atsumu: 😤 dont be a push over 

Hinata: i'm having very mixed emotions right now

Shirabu: sAd

Yamagucci: wait hinata you're a bottom 😾☝️

Hinata: Yea! 

Kunimi: you have no clue what a bottom is do you?😶 

Akaashi: Don't corrupt him please. 

Atsumu: 😏

Akaashi: Atsumu i will eat you.

Atsumu: ☹️😔

Oikawa: wow that's not weird at all

Hinata: I know what a bottom is!

Atsumu: oooh???

Akaashi: oh no

Shirabu: tell us

Hinata: 🤪 It when you get dick 

Shirabu: Yeah ❤️

Akaashi: .....

Atsumu: IT WASNT ME PLEASE DONT HURT ME

Akaashi: i'm leaving this conversation 

Atsumu: 😟

Kunimi: that emoji looks horny 

Shirabu: fr

Yamagucci added Suga and Nishinoya

Shirabu: 👁👄👁

Kunimi: 👁👄👁

Oikawa: I forgot some people wait

Oikawa added Yahaba and hanamaki

Shirabu added Tendou and goshiki

Hinata: GOSHIKI IS DATING SOMEONE!?!?

Shirabu; no he just gives me bottom energy 

Kenma added Yaku and fukunaga

Yaku: IM A SWITCH YOU WHORE

Kenma: Yeah but i'd rather have you here than lev

Yaku: touché 

Atsumu: any more bottom that we need to add or are we good😌 

Akaashi; idk most people on my team are straight 

Atsumu: everyone in my team hates me so i wouldn't dare add them 🌚 

Oikawa; i can see why 🌝 

Atsumu: Shut up your team hates you as well

Kunimi: He got you there

Oikawa: Sobs

Tendou: 👁💋👁

Suga: oh god 

Hanamaki: 😮  
Hanamaki: 🤪

Kunimi: fuck my life

yahaba: i hate it here already

Shirabu: Oh dear it just got worse

Yahaba: 😌💅 i'm down to stay if it means i can piss shirabu off

Tendou: Go ahead 😼

Shirabu: tendou you duck

Akaashi: duck

Suga: duck

Noya: duck

Hinata: duck

Atsumu: duck

Oikawa: duck

Hanamaki: duck

yahaba: duck

Shirabu: if one more of you bitchs say duck i will personally kill you all

Kunimi: i'll help

Atsumu: damn ok 

Oikawa: sorry bae 

Goshiki: 😱 im included in something 

Shirabu: you know what  
Shirabu: you suddenly give me top energy

Shirabu removed goshiki

Suga: 🍻 raise a glass to hell

Reader: 🍻


	2. chap tar 2 💅

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pass out like seven times while writing this 😍

Atsumu: does anyone know how to hide a body?

Kunimi: Where and when

Atsumu: what-

Kunimi: just tell me where the body is i'll hide it for you i'm experienced

Atsumu: 👁👄👁 it was a joke my dude

kunimi: tell anyone about this and youre next

Suga: ...... This is the groupchat

kunimi left the chat

Oikawa: oh fun my team mate is a murder

Yahaba: like you didn't know

Oikawa: tru dat

Hinata: You sound like my dad 👍

Oikawa: 😀 thanks Chibi-Chan

Akaashi: isn't hinata dad a dead beat

Kenma: Yea

Oikawa: well way to make me feel better

Kenma:😏 you're welcome

Nishinoya: I like this groupchat

Shirabu: i don't now stfu i'm in class

Tendou: 😱 no you're not

Shirabu: tendou i stfg

Tendou: * l e a v e s *

Shirabu removed tendou from the chat

Atsumu: 👁👄👁💅 as much as i hate them i don't want them to leave

Atsumu added Tendou and Kunimi

Kunimi: *kills self*

suga: oop

Yamagucci: my ass hurts

Oikawa: 👀

Atsumu: 👀

Tendou: 👀

Shirabu: 👀

hinata: 👀

Suga: I'm going to kill him

Yamagucci: wait not like that you dirty whores, i fell off a tree

Noya: why were you in a tree doe

Yamagucci: hinata was trying to bite me

Hinata: AND ILL DO IT AGAIN

Atsumu: lmfao how did you manage to get sho mad

Oikawa: fr

Yamagucci: welll i was talking with Kageyama and i might have almost told him hinata likes him

Atsumu: Get him Sho!

Yamagucci: HEY!

Hinata: bark bark

kunimi: Hinata is a wild lesbian

Shirabu: omfg

Yahaba: congrats on coming out hinata

Hinata: wait what

Suga: i am so done with this chat

tendou: 😀👍 how much you bet we're all gonna be at each other throats by the end of the week

Akaashi: no need to bet we all know it will happen

Kenma: mhm

Atsumu: i have an idea

Shirabu: no body cares

Atsumu: Shirabu....

Shirabu: what

Atsumu: i care 🥺

Shirabu: Bitch-

Oikawa: let's hear him out i bet it's good!

Kunimi: i thought you hated him

Oikawa: well i realized something my dear kunimi

Yahaba: 👀

Oikawa: me and atsumu are one in the same

Shirabu: explain

Oikawa: we're both Narcissistic assholes who have asshole boy friends and amazing ideas.

Atsumu: you right you right

Oikawa: 🥰💋😍😘🥰🥵😻😽

Atsumu: 😍😻💅💋🥰🥵🥵😽😼

Shirabu: i hate it here

Kenma: good morning

Oikawa: wdym you talked like an hour ago

Kenma: i died for an hour and came back alive

Kunimi: i do that sometimes kindaichi gets mad

Kenma: same with kuroo

Oikawa: 😻 they care for you guys how sweet

Atsumu: 😍😻 imagine having a caring boyfriend

Suga: even if you two aren't on my team i will single handedly kill Iwaizumi and sakusa for you

Shirabu: samee ion even like you guys but they seem like little bitchs

Akaashi: Agreed they shouldn't treat you the way they do

Oikawa: 🥺 wait y'all are being nice

Atsumu: 😀 i can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not

Suga: we aren't

Akaashi: 🥰

Atsumu: holy shit i'm gonna son the only person who had ever been nice to me is osamu and that was like once

Oikawa: 🥺

Suga: mission beat the shut out of Iwaizumi and Sakusa is a go

Kunimi: i'll get my bat

Akaashi: *cocks gun*

Atsumu: wait before we do this i got some help

atsumu added suna to the group

Oikawa: wait i thought you said you didn't like your team

Atsumu: i don't but suna hates sakusa more than me so it will work

Suna: i hate how he treats you he's a Sucky Bitch Ass Hoe

Shirabu: i like how he capitalized all the swear words

Hanamaki: wait i'm awake who are we killing

Oikawa: did you really sleep threw class again?

Hanamaki: Yea i only woke up to do something important and that's to show who Your ugly tops who's boss

Suga: YEA

nOyA: HELL YEA IM IN LETS KILL THESE HOES

Akaashi: k but first we should finish school 👀👄👀

Suga: good idea we can continue this after school

Shirabu: booo

Tendou: Lame

Kunimi: Party poopers

nOya: Moms

Suga: Stfu or you're grounded

Suga locked the chat


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short the next one is about 1000 words so that should make up for it

Suga: time for the plan (:

Atsumu: that far scares the hell out of me

Suga: (:

Kunimi: only psychopaths smile like this (:

Oikawa: suga is planning something scary then

Noya: HELL YEA

hinata: :D 

Oikawa: 😰brb Iwa is being meanie

Makki: please don't duck in the club room

Kunimi: omg no

Yahaba: 👁👄👁 we all know that's you and mattsun

Makki: Ehe 😏

Oikawa: ---

shirabu: ???

Suga: you good oikawa!

Oikawa; This is iwaizumi 

Oikawa: what is this groupchat

Tendou: 😋 Hii iwa your boyfriend should have come to shiratorizawa 

Oikawa: Yea he probably should have but that doesn't answer my question

Suga: It's a group chat for- friends

Atsumu: Yea friends :::))

Hinata: ITS FOR BOTTOMS!

Suga: hinata you whore

Hinata: 💔

Noya: BEAHAHHAA

oikawa: oh- 

Kunimi: great job hinata now Bitchykawa is in trouble 

Hinata: 😨

Atsumu:Hes prolly getting the good dick now though 🥵

Suga: Oh deer

Akaashi: i hate trois groupchat 

Kenma: same

Yaku: ^^^

Fukunaga: ^^^^

YAhaba: 👁👄👁 den leve 

Atsumu: get dat bread 

Noya: get dat hed 

tendou: den leve

Suga: wig

Atsumu: wig?

Yahaba: suga is high

Yaku: wIg

kenma: YASSS QUEEN

akaashi: ayo this isn't dangangrandpa and you ain't kokichi

Kenma: 🤯😰

Kunimi: mind=Blown

hinata: WAIT GUYS WERENT WE SUPPOSED TO BEAT UP THE TOPS

suga: we were hit then Iwaizumi stole oikawas phone 

Oikawa: don't worry guys i'm back

Noya: 👀👄👀 

Atsumu: Did you get that dick

Oikawa 😿 yea

Atsumu: can you walk?

Oikawa: 😽nope

Atsumu: 😼 yea you get that dick tooru

Shirabu: truly inspirational 

Suga: Anyways i have got an idea now

Noya: share share share

Suga: 😼 let's all dress up in smexy clothing not for the tops but for ourselves 😌

Atsumu: i like that idea

Oikawa: me too let's do it

suga: any objections?

Kenma: yes

Suga: none??? 

Kenma: wai

Suga: alright (:

Atsumu: let's all meet up and my house osamu is out with suna so we'll be good 

Suna: so i'm not invited 

Atsumu: no because you never answer the chat

Suna: Hearts been broke so many times💔

Oikawa: that's a ded meme

Yamagucci: sorry i've been dead all day i was helping tsuki with his blocks 

Hinata: GUCCI!

Yamagucci: i didn't even notice i spelt my own name wrong damn

Oikawa; well i'm omw to atsumus house ill see y'all there 😌

Suga: Alright see you guys

Noya: YASSSS 

Kunimi: did you all forget atsumu lives like 13 hours away from all of us 

Oikawa: shhhh plot convenience


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they attack tonight

Everyone made it to atsumu a house. Asumu welcomed everyone in. "Here's my amazing house"

gay ass tops

Kageyama: i can't find hinata

Daichi: same with suga

Iwaizumi: Oikawa ran away too

Mattsun: lol the bottoms ran away 

Maki: lol

Mattsun: ------ 

maki: 😍 yes i am top

Iwaizumi kicked maki out of the chat

Bokutoes: I CANT FIND AKKAAASGHI

Tsukishima: Can you not read or something?

Kuroo: 😔💃 Tsuki dont be mean

Asahi: everyone shut up

kuroo: 🤭 

Mattsun; we pissed off god 

Daichi: Asahi calm down

Asahi: lord have mercy 

sakusa: 🤢🤢🤢

kindaichi: 👁👁 kunimi stole my car

Kuroo: LMFAO

kyoutani: that sucks 

Kageyama: wait you can drive 👁👄👁

Kindaichi: yes i got held back seven times

Iwaizumi: so- you're 27

Bokutoes: PEDO

Daichi: everyone stop talking we need to figure out wtf happened to everyone

Yamamoto: woah i'm in a groupchat :o

daichi: I SAID SHUT UP

yamamoto: srry

Semi: maybe they all died???

Daichi: how did they all just happen to die

Kuroo: bottom sickness

Bokuto: maybe they ran away to china

iwaizumi: why and how

Osamu: They're at atsumu house

Sakusa: ofc

Mattsun; how do you know

Bokutoes: IS SAMU SECRETLY A BOTTOM

osamu: i- no i share the same house with atsumu and suna told me

Kuroo: o

Daichi: so we just have to go to atsumu s house and steal everyone back?

Lev: YEA 

iwaizumi: guess so

kuroo: Osamu what's your adress

osamu went offline

Tsukishima: perfect

kindaichi: does anyone know where they live?

kuroo: ...

bokutoes: ....

daichi: ......

Iwaizumi:......

Kyoutani: .......

mattsun: .....

asahi: .....

kageyama: .....

semi: ......

lev: ...

yamamoto: ...

tsukishima: ....

Sakusa: ..... god damnit

Then they all headed to Atsumus house.

Ushijima: Guys i have made a discovery i cannot find satori.

With da bottoms

"Alright guys we need to piss them all off" Oikawa said throwing his hand in the table

"How shall we do that" suga looked at everyone 

"Kill them" Kunimi chirped in

"I'm all for that plan" kenma said

"same" shirabu and akaashi nodded their heads 

"That won't work" oikawa sighed

"Why doe" atsumu asked

"Have you seen Iwa-Chan's bara arms??" 

"You right bro" Atsumu smacked his head on the table

They all started to get annoyed at the lack of ideas. 

"Ok guys so this isn't working" Suga said sitting up.

"Well no shit" Yahaba looked over at his phone, "It's been five hours" 

"God dammmnnnitttt" Makki fell off his chair

"What? did something bad happen?" Tendou asked peeking at Makkis phone.

"They kicked me out of the top group" 

"KAGEYAMA IS SUCH A HOE" Hinata screamed running around the kitchen

"Hinata chilll" akaashi said throwing a water bottle at him

Just then there was a knock at the door. They all froze.

"Uh atsumu? Was anyone supposed to come over?" Suga asked eyes glued to the door

"No-" 

"WELL DO SOMETHING" Kenma whisper yelled

"Alright alright" Atsumu walked to the door slowly while everyone else hid under the table or behind the wall.

"Hello?" Atsumu said putting his hand on the door knob as he slowly opened his. It was the mail man. "Holy shit" Atsumu opened the door all the way calming down. Until the 'mailman' grabbed him 

"Gotcha bitch" it was Sakusa

"FUUUUCK" Atsumu tried to get away but he couldn't as the other tops raided the house. "EVERYONE FOR THEM SELVES" he screamed as they all scattered 

"Oi you all hurry and get your partner i need to teach his a lesson" Sakusa said squeezing atsumu by the waste. 

"OMI IM SORRYY" 

Oikawa ran up the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom. "Oh hey Kunimi" Oikawa said between gasps. 

"yo" 

"OIKAWA GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE" 

"NO" 

kunimi hid in the bath tub and pulled the curtain closed as Iwaizumi broke is and threw oikawa over his shoulder. 

"KUNIMI YOU TRADER" Oikawa yelled as he was carried to the car

Akaashi and kenma hid in the snack closet. 

"Welp this is the end" Akaashi said sighing

"Mhm" kenma kissed his switch goodbye as the light creaked in.

Hinata, Noya, and suga fought off the tops in the living room but failed. 

Shirabu beat up semi but ended up getting carried away by Ushijima along with tendou and dead semi. 

Yahaba went with Iwaizumi 

Makki and Mattsun were playing checkers on the kitchen floor. 

Yaku beat the shit out of lev and left him on the road, then proceeded to help atsumu escape death. 

Fukunaga passed out of the floor under the table so no one found him

After everyone left the survivors came out and back to the table. 

Kunimi walked out of the bathtubwith Kita. Fukunaga woke up, atsumu came limping out of the bedroom and yaku helped atsumu walk. Then yamaguchi came out of the basement. 

"that failed" Yamaguchi said 

"Mhm" Fukunaga rubbed his eyes

kunimi started at atsumu, "especially for you"

"shut up" 

Just then Suna and Osamu walked in. "Have fun?" they both asked 

"lol no" 

"Did you have fun?" Kita asked

"Yes thanks for asking mom" Suna said sitting next to atsumu.

Osamu leaned on atsumus chair. "Can you walk?"

"nope" 

"ffff bottom" 

"i hate you"

"It's mutual" 

Baddie bottoms  
Oikawa: Y'all good?

Hinata: no

Shirabu: no

Tendou: Haha that was fun

Yahaba: it was not fun at all

Akaashi: At least we didn't die

yahaba: Tru 

Shirabu: i hate my life 

Tendou: poor shiraboobies 

Oikawa: Iwa-Chan is a meanie 😪 

Makki: we done knew

Suga: look on the bright side we had a few survivors 

Oikawa: @KUNIMI YOU BASTARD DIDNT HELP ME

Kunimi: Atsumu did say everyone for themselves meaning i didn't have to help you 

Yaku: unpopular opinion i had fun

kenma: you should have let me help you beat lev up

yaku: next time my child

Kenma: 🙂 

Kenma: oh yea @fukunaga where do you hide?

Fukunaga: i passed out 

Kenma: oh-

Kunimi; lol

Suga: we should all sleep now we had a long day 

Oikawa: good night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me if i forgot a character or not i can't keep track


	5. update

hey lol 

i love you lol


	6. Chapter 6

Kenma: 😻

tendou: WHAT WHO WHAT HAPPENED TO KENMA

suga: we cant be sure this is kenma- 

fukunaga: i highly doubt it is.

atsumu: mommy im scared 

suna: mommy come pick us up

kita: i would but im just as scared as you

atsumu: WAIT SINCE WHEN WAS KITA HERE

kita: idk 

suna: 😺☝️ leave 

kita: no ❤️

Atsumu: ok now im really scared

kunimi: you woke me up for what?

kunimi: nevermind i think kenma is dying 

shirabu: mhm 

oikawa: what is kuroo took his phone and found the gc

yahaba: Captain stfu 

oikawa: BABA DID YOU JUST TELL ME THE SHUT THE FUCK UP

kunimi: can you not read or something 

oikawa: smh yall are so mean 

atsumu: i agree with yahaba stfu we cant think like that

akaashi: kuroo would surely have told bokuto-san by now if he had seen the groupchat so i dont think we have to worry. 

futakuchi: das tru

fukunaga: u rit u rit 

akaashi: ofc i am 

oikawa: 😨

hinata: one ☝️ neigh🐴 one ☝️ neigh 🐴 i 😨 was 😰 really 🥲 really 😢 really 🥶 really 😭 sad 😣

oikawa: tf

kunimi: dixie d mario? 

shirabu: what- 

kunimi: idk man 

yahaba: i gotta pee brb

fukunaga: k bye 

oikawa: what the hell is going on right now 

makki: dunno dont xare at this point 

atsumu: i thought we were tryna get revenge on our boyfriends

oikawa: i forgot about that lol

yahaba: maybe if the author didnt forget about us we wouldnt be in this situation 

oikawa; baba we talked about this no breaking the fourth wall on saturdays 

yahaba: srry 

kunimi: what the hell

shirabu: uhhhh k

akaashi: country peolle are strange 

fukunaga: agreed

akaashi: 🤢🤢

fukunaga: 🤮🤮

hinata: shit the fuck up

oikawa: he tried 

hinata: shyt*

hinata: shoot*

hinata: she*

kunimi: take your time

hinata: shut**

kunimi: goodjob 

shirabu; took em long enough

atsumu: why do we get off topic so fast 

Kita; idk 

oikawa: this groupchat was a mistake 

suga: strange hearing that from you 

suga: but i agree 100%

akaashi: 🤧👆

fukunaga: 🙀👆

Atsumu: all in favour of deleteing this geoupchat and dying? 🙋

oikawa: 🙋

suna: 🙋

kita: 🙋

akaashi: 🙋

kunimi: 🙋🙋

shirabh: 🙋🙋

yahaba; 🙋

oikawa: alright majoity rules 

oikawa; who has admin

atsumu: well you gave me admin after made the groupchat and i gave it to akaashi caus ei domt trust myself

akaashi: i gave it to kenma cause hes better with electronic stuff

oikawa: well shit 

shirabu: should we all just leave then? 

kunimi: thats the best comprimise 

atsumu: k 

atsumu, shirabu, kunimi, and 18 others left rhe groupchat.

kenma: sorry i left my phone in my pocket. i must have butt texted

kenma: hello????

yamagucci: what happened my notifs were off

kenma: idk 

yamagucci: 💇♀️


End file.
